Essay Correction Blog

I didn't do very well on this essay, I got an 81, so there is a lot for me to fix. Probably my main problem was that I did not have enough commentary supported by quotes. Furthermore,I used furthermore way to many times. I also changed many words that I thought sounded choppy or words that did not flow very well. For example, I wrote "...because it evokes the most distinct emotions." I changed that sentence to say, "...because it is reminiscent of recongizable emotions." I thought that reminiscent was a better word to use than evokes. It kind of portrays the same emotion as evokes, but it sounds a whole lot better. Another example of using better word choice is in my fourth paragraph when I say, " That characterization instills in the audience the idea of power,..." Instead of instills, I used inculcates which gives the reader much more information about the thoughts that I am trying to get across. My biggest correction happened when I am talking about The Wife of Bath. At first I said, "Here, the knight gives her the power which in turn transforms her into the perfect woman. The knight saved her from a life of poverty. The heroes in this tale are not as clear as Beowulf or Perceval, but they are still present even though they are less apparent. Then I changed this to say, "Here, Chaucer argues that if women are in control of relationships, the two people in the relationship will be much happier together. In other words, relationships are on a whole more succesful if women have control of the situation." I thought that this was much better because it analyzed more than it restated, which was a main problem of mine throughout the entire paper.